Choicemaking: for co-dependents, adult children, and spirituality seekers

396 Pages·1987·1.64 MB·English

by  Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse

Choicemaking : For Codependents, Adult
title:
Children, and Spirituality Seekers
author: Wegscheider-Cruse, Sharon.
publisher: Health Communications, Inc.
isbn10 | asin: 0932194265
print isbn13: 9780932194268
ebook isbn13: 9780585159416
language: English
Alcoholics--Family relationships,
subject
Codependency, Adult children of alcoholics.
publication date: 1987
lcc: HV5132.W44 1987eb
ddc: 362.2/92
Alcoholics--Family relationships,
subject:
Codependency, Adult children of alcoholics.
Page i
Choicemaking for Co-Dependents, Adult
Children and Spirituality Seekers
Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse
Health Communications, Inc.
Deerfield Beach, Florida
Page ii
Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse
ONSITE Training and Consulting
Rapid City, South Dakota
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Wegscheider-Cruse, Sharon, 1938
Choice-making : for co-
dependents, adult children, and spirituality seekers.
Bibliography: p.
1. AlcoholicsFamily relationships.
2. Co-Dependence. 3. Adult children of alcoholics.
I. Title.
HV5132.W44 1987 362.2'92 87-8716
ISBN 0-932194-26-5
© 1985 Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse
Reprinted 1987
ISBN 0-932194-26-5
All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No part
of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or
transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical,
photocopying, recording or otherwise without the written permission
of the publisher.
Published by Health Communications, Inc.
Enterprise Center
3201 SW 15th Street
Deerfield Beach, FL 33442

Page iii
Foreword
by Joseph R. Cruse, M.D.
Founding Medical Director
Betty Ford Center for Drug & Alcohol Rehabilitation
Our imperfections have a symptom pain. And pain signals
dysfunction, injury, or some dis-ease that requires something to
change before relief can occur. That something is frequently us. One
of the more unexpected side-effects of change turns out to be growth!
But there are times when that pain is like a rock in our shoe
imperceptible, bearable, and unimportant, as compared to the
immediate task at hand. Then after we remove it, its actual importance
becomes clear. Now we see the deep impression it has made, and
almost immediately we feel the relief and freedom and regained
agility when we remove the rock. We look at our wounds and blisters
in disbelief that we could have denied their seriousness, or even their
presence, and certainly their influence for so long.
But no matter the number of rocks that find their way into our shoes,
the human spirit, once enlightened, continues to look up and hope and
learn and delight in each lesson. The human spirit continues to choose
and change and continues to remove rocks, one by one.
The "rock-in-the-shoe" syndrome serves Sharon as both adversary and
laboratory in her unrelenting drive to interpret for us her concepts of
rights, fairness, and the human
Page iv
potential for healing and growth. Her curiosity provides the energy
and assertiveness to design, experiment, and research basic questions
such as "Why God and His subjects so often seem at odds with one
another!"
On occasion, she discerns a plan and she shares those plans with us
plans in which CHOICES are recognizable and need to be made. We
learn that our stores of present and future choices are great. She shows
us how to be grateful for our former self, as we grow and transform
beyond that person. These directions lead to a full excitement with our
own spiritual molding as our inner beauty comes closer and closer to
the surface.
And the process continues . . . and continues . . . continues . . . toward
a form of Grace as we realize the permanency of CHANGE, through
CHOICE!
Page v
Foreword
by Claudia Black, Ph.D., M.S.W.
President of ACT (Alcoholism, Children, Therapy)
Having been academically trained to be a psychotherapist, it was only
upon entering the chemical dependency field that I heard and
understood the concept of "recovery." Therapists most commonly
assist clients to better understand themselves, to like themselves, to
become more effective communicators. For some clients, we are more
problem solving oriented, in which the therapy is often limited to
weeks. For other clients, our work may extend to several months, and
possibly years. Much of the time we are effective in assisting our
clients, and are able to assist in affecting changes in how they live
their lives. But many will need to return for more problem solving, to
have someone listen, to find hope and meaning in their lives. What is
often missing is a plan for recovery. Recovery is a process; it does not
have an ending. One grows, matures, and continues along a
continuum of growth. On a daily basis, one lives the process that
entails recovery. CHOICEMAKING guides us through the recovery
process.
Prior to 1980s, in the chemical dependency field, the term "recovery"
was typically applied to the chemically dependent person. Treatment
programs acknowledged the need for family involvement, but
typically only offered services for adult family members spouses,
lovers, or parents. Most commonly, those services were limited to
alcoholism

Page vi
education, and did not cover treatment of co-dependency. There were
a handful of programs that offered an educational program for
children. The concept of Adult Children was only beginning to
emerge, and by the 1970s the concept was there, but not the
education, nor the treatment.
Education, problem solving, assertiveness training is not adequate
treatment for the family member in a chemically dependent family.
They will not be able to make the appropriate changes that will allow
them to heal and find a comfort within themselves. They will need a
new set of rules, new guidelines. They need to be led through a
process. They need hope that is not based on the chemically
dependent person's behavior, but based on who they find themselves
to be their identity, their new-found abilities.
CHOICEMAKING is about recovery for the co-dependent, as well as
the dependent person. Choicemaking not only addresses the
dependent spouse, lover and parent, but also includes children of all
ages. Sharon also helps the reader to understand co-dependency as it
can affect a helping professional. Co-dependency is a treatable
condition, and CHOICEMAKING describes how recovery is possible.
I believe, as Sharon does, that we exist to live and grow. We are alive,
vital. In CHOICEMAKING, the final (or fourth) step in recovery is
that we must Surrender to Choice. The description of what surrender
means is invaluable. A "power greater than ourselves" is an essential
part of being able to surrender to choice. CHOICEMAKING offers
the reader the understanding that they will work with the Higher
Power. With the premise that we are all co-creators in shaping our
destinies, as creators we have an active role in our recovery.
Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse is a trailblazer in her presentation of issues
that are known as co-dependency; she encapsulates those issues in a
manner that delineates specific treatment for co-dependency. She is a
pioneer in extending the treatment concept to include ongoing
recovery. There are many bright, creative people, but only a small
number who