Transforming Narcissism: Reflections on Empathy, Humor, and Expectations

268 Pages·2007·3.84 MB·English

by  Frank M. Lachmann

Transforming
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Psychoanalytic Inquiry Book Series
Volume 28
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Psychoanalytic Inquiry
Book Series
Vol. 1: Reflections on Self Psychology – Vol. 17: Working Intersubjectively:
Joseph D. Lichtenberg & Samuel Kaplan (eds.) Contextualism in Psychoanalytic Practice –
Donna M. Orange, George E. Atwood,
Vol. 2: Psychoanalysis and Infant Research – & Robert D. Stolorow
Joseph D. Lichtenberg
Vol. 18: Kohut, Loewald, and the Postmoderns:
Vol. 4: Structures of Subjectivity: Explorations A Comparative Study of Self and Relationship –
in Psychoanalytic Phenomenology – Judith Guss Teicholz
George E. Atwood & Robert D. Stolorow
Vol. 19: A Spirit of Inquiry: Communication in
Vol. 7: The Borderline Patient: Emerging
Psychoanalysis – Joseph D. Lichtenberg,
Concepts in Diagnosis, Psychodynamics,
Frank M. Lachmann, & James L. Fosshage
and Treatment, Vol. 2 – James S. Grotstein,
Marion F. Solomon, & Joan A. Lang (eds.) Vol. 20: Craft and Spirit: A Guide to Exploratory
Psychotherapies – Joseph D. Lichtenberg
Vol. 8: Psychoanalytic Treatment: An
Intersubjective Approach – Robert D. Stolorow, Vol. 21: Attachment and Sexuality –
Bernard Brandchaft, & George E. Atwood Diana Diamond, Sidney J. Blatt,
& Joseph D. Lichtenberg
Vol. 9: Female Homosexuality:
Choice Without Volition – Elaine V. Siegel
Vol. 22: Psychotherapy and Medication:
The Challenge of Integration –
Vol. 10: Psychoanalysis and Motivation –
Fredric N. Busch & Larry S. Sandberg
Joseph D. Lichtenberg
Vol. 23: Trauma and Human Existence:
Vol. 11: Cancer Stories: Creativity and
Autobiographical, Psychoanalytic, and
Self-Repair – Esther Dreifuss Kattan
Philosophical Reflections –
Vol. 12: Contexts of Being: The Intersubjective Robert D. Stolorow
Foundations of Psychological Life –
Vol. 24: Jealousy and Envy: New Views
Robert D. Stolorow & George E. Atwood
about Two Powerful Feelings –
Vol. 13: Self and Motivational Systems: Léon Wurmser & Heidrun Jarass
Toward a Theory of Psychoanalytic Technique –
Joseph D. Lichtenberg, Frank M. Lachmann, Vol. 25: Sensuality and Sexuality Across the
& James L. Fosshage Divide of Shame – Joseph D. Lichtenberg
Vol. 14: Affects as Process: An Inquiry into the Vol. 26: Living Systems, Evolving
Centrality of Affect in Psychological Life – Consciousness, and the Emerging Person:
Joseph M. Jones A Collection of Papers from the Life Work of
Louis Sander – Louis Sander
Vol. 15: Understanding Therapeutic Action:
Psychodynamic Concepts of Cure – Vol. 27: Toward a Psychology of Uncertainty:
Lawrence E. Lifson (ed.) Trauma-Centered Psychoanalysis –
Doris Brothers
Vol. 16: The Clinical Exchange: Techniques
Derived from Self and Motivational Systems – Vol. 28: Transforming Narcissism: Reflections
Joseph D. Lichtenberg, Frank M. Lachmann, on Empathy, Humor, and Expectations –
& James L. Fosshage Frank Lachmann
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Transforming
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Reflections on Empathy,
Humor, and Expectations
Frank M. Lachmann
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This edition published in the Taylor & Francis e-Library, 2011.
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The Analytic Press The Analytic Press
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© 2008 by Taylor & Francis Group, LLC
International Standard Book Number‑13: 978‑0‑88163‑479‑2 (Softcover) 978‑0‑88163‑468‑6 (0)
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Library of Congress Cataloging‑in‑Publication Data
Lachmann, Frank M.
Transforming narcissism : reflections on empathy, humor, and expectations / Frank
Lachmann.
p. ; cm. ‑‑ (Psychoanalytic inquiry book series ; v. 28)
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN 978‑0‑88163‑479‑2 (alk. paper) ‑‑ ISBN 978‑0‑88163‑468‑6 (alk. paper)
1. Kohut, Heinz. 2. Self psychology. 3. Psychoanalysis. 4. Narcissism. 5. Empathy.
6. Ego. 7. Mother and infant. I. Title. II. Series.
[DNLM: 1. Kohut, Heinz. 2. Narcissism. 3. Empathy. 4. Humor. 5. Mother‑Child
Relations. 6. Psychotherapeutic Processes. W1 PS427F v.28 2008 / WM 460.5.E3
L138t 2008]
RC489.S43L33 2008
616.89’17‑‑dc22 sp; 2007041592
Visit the Taylor & Francis Web site at
http://www.taylorandfrancis.com
and The Analytic Press Web site at
http://www.analyticpress.com
ISBN 0-203-92726-5 Master e-book ISBN
To
Annette
Peter, Suzanne, Gene,
Brendan, Dylan, Matthew,
and Collin
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Contents
Preface ix
Acknowledgments xv
Part 1: transformation
Chapter 1 The Process of Transforming 3
Chapter 2 Implicit and Explicit Communication 23
Chapter 3 The Road to Empathy 47
Chapter 4 Empathic Understanding 69
Chapter 5 Through the Lens of Humor 87
Part 2: ExPEctations
Chapter 6 Expectations: Affirmed and Violated 113
Chapter 7 Perversions of Sexuality and Aggression 137
Chapter 8 Creative Artists as Violators of Expectations 157
Part 3: rEflEctions
Chapter 9 Disorders of Time 183
Chapter 10 In Search of Wisdom 201
Chapter 11 What Happens to Theory? 217
References 235
Index 247
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Preface
Oh, no! Not another book about narcissism! I know no one has
directly said this to me, but I’ll bet some people are thinking it.
So here is my response to them.
Why do we need another book on narcissism and why did I want
to write it? In spite of Kohut’s heroic efforts and those of many other
analysts who have tried, discussions of narcissism in patients have
tended to retain pejorative moralistic connotations of obnoxious arro-
gance, insufferable self-centeredness, and intolerable conceit. Yet, a
wealth of literature has been produced that speaks of the subtleties
of the self-pathology that underlies the overt “haughty behavior” that
has given narcissism such a bad name. Yet, this literature has had little
effect. How often in both common and professional usage is someone
described as “a total narcissist”? Although there is a clear difference in
having such a person as a parent, an employer, a friend, or a patient, that
difference is not always apparent when I hear colleagues and students
describe treatments of “narcissistic disorders” or, using Kohut’s later
terminology, which I prefer, “self-pathology.” Will this book make a
difference? All I can do is to try.
Using Kohut’s seminal paper, “Forms and Transformations of
Narcissism,” as a springboard, in the chapters to follow I update his pro-
posals for contemporary clinicians with a particular recognition of the
extent to which actions and attitudes usually called “narcissistic” serve
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